Back in early March the Mums in Mind Group which had run over the New Year came to a close. Looking back that last session together was just what we’d hope after 10 weeks together: the sun was shining brightly, the mums were making plans to see each other again and it was a celebration of the changes everyone had made in mind or in life, with scrumptious courgette cake to boot.
We talked about Coronavirus that day, how it might affect day to day life like getting supplies and going back to work, but little did we know then what we know now! While there was a sense of uncertainty in the air, there was one thing for sure, our mums were leaving group with new friendships and a close support network with whom they could be honest about their feelings and troubleshoot problems together. Their What’s App group was going to be central in providing them with their next stage of support as the journey of life continued in new and peculiar times.
As group leader I was concerned about how things would play out for these mums as life became more uncertain but it has been heartwarming to hear that the changes made in ways of thinking or life choices remains firmly in place.
One mum, previously struggling to get out the house with 3 small children and lacking adult company and transport to get anywhere felt the group gave her the impetus to join a gym. Her partner started driving her there a few times a week after work and with that hour of headspace everyday she felt physically and emotionally better. Her children benefited from this too as in the day she felt more motivated to get out for walks and adventures together. While gyms are no longer open and that new routine has been disrupted it has been heartwarming to hear that mum has thrown herself into the home school swopping tips and timetables with other mums on the Mums in Mind What’s App group. Having her partner around more has helped and they now have an entire gallery of children’s paintings to decorate their home, passing more onto neighbours and the village too so that social connection has continued but just in different ways.
Sometimes mums attend group who have come through some really quite traumatic times and that safe, non-judgemental space in which to talk, craft and be mindful can have profound effects when coming out of the other side of severe mental illness. In this same group, another mum came to us after being treated for post-partum psychosis, her mood was low, she lacked confidence and she felt isolated. She says group really helped pick up her mood and feel a bit more like her old self. She even ended up driving another mum to group each week and said…
“I’ve learnt that I’m still able to interact the same with people which I thought I couldn’t do since being poorly. It shows me that everyone struggles, we all have life circumstances to content with. It’s taught me to be more rational about it.”
I’m thankful to report that despite all she has gone through peer support helped mum to get her confidence back, build connections again and gain perspective. If there is any time in life where that learning will help it is right now and while it’s not easy this mum still brings her laughter to the What’s App group and has been a leading light in keeping that chat going.
Finding perspective in a group situation can mean different things for different women. For others it’s about gaining a deeper understanding about what it means to be a parent, what matters and what to let go. We don’t call Mums in Mind a parenting group but mums do often refer to how much parenting experience comes to group (with 27 children and grandchildren between us), and with professional experience in counselling and early years too there’s a fair bit! We aren’t there to tell mums what to do but we can share experiences, signpost to up to date information, and help them find their own way. This term in group we heard a mother say “I’ve learnt that my instincts can be trusted”. What music to our ears!
“Having you as a worker, the volunteers and all the mums together as a place to bounce things off was really useful to give me other parenting perspectives and allow me to find what I feel is right. It’s been really encouraging and given me a lot of confidence and with confidence comes a lot less anxiety.”
This mum has gone on to be signed off from the Perinatal Mental Health Team and has told us that for her lockdown has helped ignite old friendships with those living in other parts of the country getting back in touch. With all those positives combined with the ‘epiphany’ she talked of in group when she began to bond with her babies, so much has changed. The babies are making everyone in the house laugh these days which couldn’t come at a better time. We are continuing to support this mum through phone calls for now but are just so pleased for her. She has come through so much and that self –determination will take her far regardless of how these extraordinary times unfold.
Moving forwards, while our physical groups can no longer run for the time being, we are blessed to hear that the perspective, confidence and friendship found from group continues. We cannot change those things outside of our control, but we can change how we see them, respond to them and connect over them. These times have proven that Mums in Mind is not just a one off group but a legacy of support that has helped families to adapt and thrive in extraordinary circumstances. We can and will adapt when we have a supportive circle around us, and I think that goes for us all.
Karen, Mums in Mind Coordinator